I raise my head from my pillow each day, prepared to fight my battles
Against the eyes that peek and judge,
Against the ones that care too much,
Against myself; the one that doesn’t get that I am trying.
I walk the streets each day, hoping I’m not finally broken
From all the cracks I conceal inside
From all the bottled hopes, dreams and wishes.
From the piles of Almosts, If Only’s and Maybes.
From myself; the one whose yelling tears my stitches apart.
I have lost my mirage of smiles, the illusive veil is giving away.
Life once handed me only lemons, and I made lemonade,
But now, she gives me nothing and my lemonade jar is dry…
I am not sure I know how to drink any other thing, so I am just going wait the thirst out.
On the days life takes away my air, I cut my skin and breathe from there,
On the days life puts me underwater, I panic till my heart is on fire.
On the days life takes away all color, I am left with black and the darker shades of blue.
The battle is over, I am done fighting; I’ll leave.
I will drown, or bleed or snuff the air I need.
It is beautiful to win with the routes life gives,
I am ready for the pain who takes it all away.
This is how it feels when you want to end it all, it’s like the only solution, the only answer to every problem you’ve ever had. But it’s not! You’ve come thus far, please don’t ever stop fighting! Please don’t quit.