Pray they have always told me,
We are the people of prayers
Not of any sickness of the mind
We are not of those of sickness of the soul
There is no weakness in the spirits and hearts of the believer, they said.
But in my heart is a a secret,
Something has taken a hold of me
I have prayed and I have fasted
So how am I to explain,
That beneath this smile is an overwhelming sadness draining my spirit.
How do I explain?
That beneath this clothes are scars on my skin caused by my own hands,
How do I explain the voices in my head and the anxiety in my heart.
Perhaps something has taken possession of me,
Maybe I am among the wicked they speak about,
The ones for whom there is no rest
Move closer to God they said.
Perhaps it is God that doesn’t want my presence,
Maybe this is the manifestation of my sins
But what is it that I have done that there is no forgiveness?
But I heard the other day about therapy and drugs,
I heard that these things have a name,
Perhaps that is the answer to my prayers
I think that is God telling me it is okay to check in.
— Ameenah Lawal